The following is an article written by entrepreneur and author MJ Demarco that was just posted yesterday. MJ illustrates perfectly how the company you keep can and will have a direct impact on your happiness and success in life. I recommend reading this multiple times so you can let it soak in. We all have "trash" in our lives we need to take out....what's yours?
The Following can be found at http://www.fastlaneentrepreneurs.com.
-Asher-
What is seen, cannot be unseen, and sometimes, you have to know when that works to your favor.
Anytime you build a relationship with someone, you essentially take the passenger seat of their car.
If they’re reckless, your life can get equally reckless. People, and the relationships we build with them, are like winding roads; they can take you in spectacular new directions or perilous detours.
The detours are hazardous to your success, to your health, and to your happiness.
A perfect example occurred when I was a teenager.
I had a friend named Dave. I appreciated Dave’s friendship because he was strong, aggressive and confident while seemingly immune to what anyone said about him. It was a quality I admired.
But I soon learned that Dave was a dangerous friend and my continued “passage” in his car would be a dangerous cocktail to my life.
You see, one day I went to Dave’s house and Dave’s real self became visible. Dave’s mother wanted him to take out the garbage to which he retorted “F*ck you, you d*ckless woman!” (Yes, I kid you not!!)
I was shocked.
My mouth fell to the floor.
Dave’s mother’s response was equally shocking — she absorbed the disrespect, did nothing, and reiterated the demand.
Later, Dave and I were playing in the backyard which neighbored a large grassy meadow. In the meadow, Dave captured a mouse and tossed it into a coffee can. Then, he walked over to a pile of dead brush, lit it on fire, and tossed the mouse into the fire. He laughed and cajoled in utter amusement as the mouse scampered about helplessly and burned to death.
I stood there mortified. Thirty years later and this scene is still burned into my head like it just happened weeks ago.
At that moment, I knew I never wanted to see Dave again and my admiration turned into trembling fear. Hiding my terror, I non-nonchalantly said “that’s not cool” and told him that I had to go home and do homework.
After I returned home, I told my mother. Although I already decided that I didn’t want to see Dave again, she followed up my own decision with her own forbidding as well. “No more Dave on the bus, after school, or anywhere else!” While I continued to see Dave in the school hallways, I was successful in avoiding Dave and he faded from my life …. until about 6 years later…
The entire City of Chicago would soon meet Dave in murderous infamy: Headline news reported that Dave unloaded a gun on a police officer after a high speed chase. I also learned that he had a “passenger” in his car during the whole incident. Dave, was later tried for murder as an adult, and convicted.
He is spending the rest of his life in prison.
And what about his passenger? Was he a willing or unwilling participant? Regardless of the passenger’s intent, you can bet that his life from that moment became instantly skewed to the negative.
I wonder… had I not made the choice years earlier to abandon this friendship, could Dave’s passenger have been me? If so, I doubt my life would be the same.
The fact is, everyday we make decisions, not just “action” decisions, but relationship decisions. Who is in your life WHO SHOULD NOT BE in your life? Who is NOT in your life that NEEDS TO BE?
You see, people are like currents on a river; when you saddle up in a relationship, their currents and tradewinds can drag you wherever they go. Some currents lead to favorable destinations and circumstances, while others are not so rosy.
A lot of people like to talk about wealth and financial freedom but fail at many of the things that make financial freedom impossible. Poor choices make poor people. If you’re chained to bad relationships and the poor circumstances they produce, can you ever expect to succeed at anything? Countless psychological studies have proven that happiness leads to success — success doesn’t lead to happiness!
Examine your relationships choices. Is it time you take out the trash? Or worse, are you the trash that someone else has to take out?
Think about it.
Have you trashed any friends in your past where today, you can safely predict saved you from a personal tragedy?
~ MJ
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Send money and then ask for it? What?
Over the last year I have been receiving, in my mailbox, an increasing number of letters from charities, foundations, and organizations asking me for money (March of Dimes, Angel Tree Ministries etc.). These requests for funds have been increasing rapidly, especially after I give to one of them, leading me to believe that these organizations are selling/giving my information to other organizations to let them know I'm "a giver". While I do not have a problem with this sharing of my information, I do have a problem with receiving these letters 2-3 times per day, and moreover I have a problem with the expensive and elaborate material that is often enclosed in the envelopes. So, what's wrong with this scenario? After all, the vast majority of these charities do great work and are completely legit, but what is it that causes that "something is not right" feeling in my gut when I open one of these letters and find fancy address labels, note pads, and yes even money. What? I thought you were asking me for money?! Why are you sending me money?! Yes, I realize that the nickel, dime, or penny you enclosed is not a lot of money, but how many of these envelopes did you send out?! If an organization were to send out 5,000 donation requests (and this number is very low), with a nickel in each one, that would be $250 of wasted money, and that's not including the postage and other expensive publications enclosed. Sounds like a miss-handling of donor funds to me, but it get's even worse. It would be my assumption that the clear window in the envelope showing you the nickel is first designed to make you open the letter, after all, any mentally sane person would not throw money in the trash, right? Now you take the nickel out and start feeling an element of guilt that goes through your head something like this: "I can not morally take this nickel, throw it in my change jar, and not give money to this charity." So, you write a check for $12 and send it back to them to escape feeling guilty. Sound familiar? So what's the problem again? The problem is two-fold: first off, if you feel led to give to someone or something you should never do it out of a feeling of guilt. Guilt is a negative emotion, and can only harbor more guilt. Unfortunately however, this is the exact emotion some of these organizations are playing too....not a wise investment. Secondly, as someone with any amount of money, it is YOUR job to be a responsible steward with it. This would include making sure that when you do give your money/time, it will be used responsibly by the recipient. If I send an organization $12, and the best I can tell $6-$8 of those dollars are going to be used on return address labels, custom post-it notes, and/or some form of currency, all just to instill guilt into 5000 more people, I'll pass. The sad part about this story is that most of the charities/organizations that do this kind of thing are not bad, they are just miss-led, and as a result, I will give to them when they send a simple letter requesting funds. Unfortunately however, this is usually not the case.
The conclusion of this story goes something like this:
Dear Charity/Organization, I appreciate all the good things you do and the people that you help. However, I am going to request that you stop sending me money, expensive mailings and newsletters, return address labels etc. These items are expensive to produce, I did not ask for them and I will never give to anyone out of a feeling of guilt which is why you are sending them. I will always be a cheerful giver, and NOT a guilt-driven giver. As a result, I will not give to you when you attempt to guilt me into giving, and moreover, I can not give to you when the majority of my donation would be used to promote more guilt-driven givers. In the future, please request money from me in a simple way. A letter and return envelope will do just fine, and it will help your organization because I will give with confidence that my donation will not be wasted.
Thank You
The conclusion of this story goes something like this:
Dear Charity/Organization, I appreciate all the good things you do and the people that you help. However, I am going to request that you stop sending me money, expensive mailings and newsletters, return address labels etc. These items are expensive to produce, I did not ask for them and I will never give to anyone out of a feeling of guilt which is why you are sending them. I will always be a cheerful giver, and NOT a guilt-driven giver. As a result, I will not give to you when you attempt to guilt me into giving, and moreover, I can not give to you when the majority of my donation would be used to promote more guilt-driven givers. In the future, please request money from me in a simple way. A letter and return envelope will do just fine, and it will help your organization because I will give with confidence that my donation will not be wasted.
Thank You
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Book of the Month!
"You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read".
-Charles Jones
I have just started reading "Today We Are Rich" by: Tim Sanders. Man, I have only made it through three chapters and I can already tell you that I'll be recommending this one to everyone for years to come! I read the above quote by Charles Jones a few years back and what he's saying has really grown on me. As a result I am usually reading 1-2 books every month, and it has become somewhat of a healthy habit (which we all need more of)! Moreover, I just simply love sharing new information that I have recently learned, so to forewarn you, for the next few weeks this blog will probably be filled with all the new things I learn from this book. Have a great day!
-Asher-
Friday, November 25, 2011
The perfect example of why YOU need a "rainy day" fund
Without getting into any great detail here I'm going to briefly share why everyone should have an emergency fund as part of their personal financial plan. I have held a cash reserve of 6 months of living expenses for the last 3 years now and have never needed it until now. With the holidays upon all of us I have felt more prepared this year then ever. Can you imagine how something like an $1800 car repair bill could shatter the holiday budget? Well that's what happened to me. All of a sudden I feel unprepared for holiday bills, investing and other goals due to this unexpected expense....but wait....this is exactly the reason I've carried this cash in my account for so long. It was for today. I didn't know that the entire front end of the Jeep was going to burst into flames on the interstate, but it did happen, and that is the point. Life happens. Life is the air conditioner for your home going out at the first of summer. It is the hot water heater deciding to break, the unexpected medical expense that insurance did not cover, the car repair bill that jumped out of nowhere, losing your job just before a planned vacation, etc. etc. etc. The point is that while dropping such a significant amount of cash on anything unplanned hurts, it IS the reason for making an emergency fund a priority. These listed unexpected life events are going to happen. It's not a matter of if they will happen, it's a matter of when they will happen. So the question is: will you prepare for what is going to happen at some point or will you not? I personally chose 3 years ago to prepare for the inevitable and now see the true benefit of doing so. I will not be foregoing Christmas this year. I will not be foregoing social outings with family and friends and I will not spend 2012 paying off an $1800 car repair loan. That, in and of itself is enough positive news to keep a smile on my face this holiday season, and all because of a decision that was made 3 years ago. Wow, I guess our current choices do in fact, affect our future performance : ).
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
-Asher-
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
-Asher-
Friday, November 11, 2011
Work Is Love Made Visible
Good Morning! Here is a quote I came across this morning while reading a book. I feel that it is profoundly relevant to the personal development of our lives, and that when we can truly understand the implications that it carries in our work, success, in whatever we do, will become inevitable:
Work is love made visible.
And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy. For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger. And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine. And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man's ears to the voices of the day and voices of the night. All work is empty save when there is love; and when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God. -Kahlil Gibran
The word "work" here I don't believe is depicted as exclusively the thing we do for financial gain (our job), but applies equally to our relationships outside of what we do to pay the bills. When we hate our jobs (as many people do), this "distaste" is spilled over into other areas our lives causing anxiety, depression and other such undesirable consequences. If this sounds like you, (as it has been me), I would challenge you to look in the mirror, and understand that YOU are responsible for not staying in a place that causes you to work with this "distaste". Continuing to do so leaves you, your family, your friends and basically everything that matters in life unfulfilled. Easier said than done? Yes. How do you find work that matters? How do I know what matters to me? How will I feed my family and pay my bills if I jump out of the toxic work I'm in? The answer is a goal, and a plan. This is the subject of our discussion, and I hope to get as many views/opinions on this as possible, because this is a subject that matters.
-Asher-
Twitter: @AsherSM
Work is love made visible.
And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy. For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger. And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine. And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man's ears to the voices of the day and voices of the night. All work is empty save when there is love; and when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God. -Kahlil Gibran
The word "work" here I don't believe is depicted as exclusively the thing we do for financial gain (our job), but applies equally to our relationships outside of what we do to pay the bills. When we hate our jobs (as many people do), this "distaste" is spilled over into other areas our lives causing anxiety, depression and other such undesirable consequences. If this sounds like you, (as it has been me), I would challenge you to look in the mirror, and understand that YOU are responsible for not staying in a place that causes you to work with this "distaste". Continuing to do so leaves you, your family, your friends and basically everything that matters in life unfulfilled. Easier said than done? Yes. How do you find work that matters? How do I know what matters to me? How will I feed my family and pay my bills if I jump out of the toxic work I'm in? The answer is a goal, and a plan. This is the subject of our discussion, and I hope to get as many views/opinions on this as possible, because this is a subject that matters.
-Asher-
Twitter: @AsherSM
Saturday, November 5, 2011
It's YOU in the mirror has started!
Hello and Welcome to: "It's YOU in the Mirror"! I will briefly explain how this blog came to be and the purpose of it. Ever since I was 9 years old (I am now 29), I had frequented a local music store in my town. Before reaching driving age, my Mom would drop me off at the store while she ran a host of errands that could easily span 4-5 hours. The manager of the store (we'll call him John), put up with me, and entertained me as I played every guitar in the store (none of which I could buy). Needless to say, John and I became close acquaintances and my frequent visits to the music store continued for long after I was able to drive. John was a good 27 or 28 years older then me so he often felt somewhat like a second father in a way as he would ask how school, business, and life in general were going for me. He always seemed to be smarter, more together, and wiser then myself in general, and I had always viewed him that way. He had an endless amount of knowledge and advise to offer me and I had nothing to offer him. At least that's what I had always thought.
Fast forward to a few months ago, when I received a phone call from John that went just like this: "Hey Asher, It's John. I just wanted to let you know that I got laid off at the music store yesterday, and wanted to make sure you have my cell phone number. I need some work pretty bad now, I can't lift much but I can do some things..." What on earth is going on here?! How could John, who had been working at the music store since around the year I was born, who had been such a rock for me during tough times lose his job all of a sudden?? Moreover, he's asking me to help him get work? It occurred to me that this was the kind of thing that was happening everywhere in our economic environment today. I knew that to be a fact, but until you experience it first hand it does not always register. This experience (which I have greatly condensed), got me thinking.......
The purpose of "It's YOU in the mirror", is to provide an outlet, support, and source of information on the subjects of: Personal Growth, Personal Finance, Personal Life, and the success principles that in-sue from these three areas. The fact is that none of us can get through life without the love and support from others, and I hope that "It's YOU in the Mirror" will help to encourage, motivate, and inform those who read it to take an active roll in turning a bad situation around and/or making a good situation better. While we all need the support of others, nobody will achieve our goals for us. I am the guy in the mirror that is responsible for me, and you are the guy/girl in the mirror that is responsible for you. Once that mantra is accepted, I've found that the help starts pouring in from all directions! Thanks for reading and please sent any thoughts and/or suggestions to asher2233@hotmail.com. Look forward to seeing you at the top!!
-Asher Smith-
It's YOU in the Mirror
Fast forward to a few months ago, when I received a phone call from John that went just like this: "Hey Asher, It's John. I just wanted to let you know that I got laid off at the music store yesterday, and wanted to make sure you have my cell phone number. I need some work pretty bad now, I can't lift much but I can do some things..." What on earth is going on here?! How could John, who had been working at the music store since around the year I was born, who had been such a rock for me during tough times lose his job all of a sudden?? Moreover, he's asking me to help him get work? It occurred to me that this was the kind of thing that was happening everywhere in our economic environment today. I knew that to be a fact, but until you experience it first hand it does not always register. This experience (which I have greatly condensed), got me thinking.......
The purpose of "It's YOU in the mirror", is to provide an outlet, support, and source of information on the subjects of: Personal Growth, Personal Finance, Personal Life, and the success principles that in-sue from these three areas. The fact is that none of us can get through life without the love and support from others, and I hope that "It's YOU in the Mirror" will help to encourage, motivate, and inform those who read it to take an active roll in turning a bad situation around and/or making a good situation better. While we all need the support of others, nobody will achieve our goals for us. I am the guy in the mirror that is responsible for me, and you are the guy/girl in the mirror that is responsible for you. Once that mantra is accepted, I've found that the help starts pouring in from all directions! Thanks for reading and please sent any thoughts and/or suggestions to asher2233@hotmail.com. Look forward to seeing you at the top!!
-Asher Smith-
It's YOU in the Mirror
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